How Christendom Has Perverted Sex in Marriage by the Misinterpretation of the Word of God: An Essay

A Contrast Between the True Character of God and Traditional Teachings That Border on “Abuse with Permission”

Introduction

Sexuality and intimacy in marriage were created by God as a gift of love, joy, and covenantal union. Yet, throughout history, segments of Christendom have twisted or misapplied Scripture to justify domination, coercion, and even abuse within marriage. Instead of reflecting God’s heart of love and mutual honor, these interpretations have too often allowed practices that border on “abuse with permission.” The misuse of Scripture has caused untold pain, especially for women, by legitimizing verbal, psychological, and even sexual abuse in the name of “submission” or “marital duty.”

This essay will examine:

Scriptures on respect and honor in marriage and how they contrast with abusive misinterpretations.
Biblical warnings against abuse—verbal, psychological, and sexual—and how these are ignored in traditional teaching.
God’s true character and heart for His children as the standard by which all marital intimacy should be judged.
How Christendom has perverted sex in marriage by distorting God’s Word.
A restorative vision of intimacy rooted in the love, justice, and compassion of God.

1. The Biblical Foundation of Respect in Marriage

The New Testament is unambiguous: marriage is meant to be marked by love, respect, and honor.

Ephesians 5:25 commands, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” This love is not selfish or demanding, but sacrificial, patterned after Christ’s self-giving death on the cross.
Ephesians 5:28 adds, “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.”
1 Peter 3:7 insists, “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife… that your prayers may not be hindered.”

Yet, within Christendom, these passages have often been overshadowed by a distorted emphasis on Ephesians 5:22, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” Taken out of context, this has been weaponized to demand obedience without balance, ignoring the surrounding commands for husbands to love, honor, and cherish.

Instead of reflecting mutual love, this distortion has enabled a one-sided dynamic where women’s voices are silenced and their dignity overlooked. In practice, some Christian teachings on marriage have reduced women to property, obliged to submit even to sexual demands regardless of their own consent. This is a clear perversion of God’s Word.

2. Verbal, Psychological, and Sexual Abuse: What Scripture Actually Condemns

Verbal Abuse

The Bible consistently warns against destructive speech.

Proverbs 12:18: “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.”
Ephesians 4:29: “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification.”

When Christian husbands degrade or berate their wives, they are not exercising headship—they are committing sin. Yet, some traditions excuse harshness under the guise of “correction” or “leadership.” This amounts to verbal abuse wrapped in spiritual justification.

Psychological Abuse

God condemns manipulation, control, and oppression.

Colossians 3:21: “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” The principle extends to all relationships of authority.
Psalm 11:5: “The LORD tests the righteous, but the wicked and the one who loves violence His soul hates.”

Yet, within some Christian teachings, coercive control in marriage—isolating wives, denying them financial independence, or gaslighting them into submission—is tolerated. It is taught that “the husband is the head” in ways that justify domination rather than loving guidance. This is psychological abuse, directly opposed to God’s call to love and gentleness.

Sexual Abuse

Perhaps the gravest distortion is in the realm of intimacy. Some strands of Christian tradition have taught that a wife’s body is at her husband’s disposal, citing 1 Corinthians 7:4: “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”

But this passage, read carefully, emphasizes mutuality: neither spouse owns the other, but both belong to one another in a covenant of love. The misuse of this verse to justify coercive sex in marriage strips it of its context and spirit. Scripture is clear: forcing intimacy without consent is violence. Deuteronomy 22:25–26 equates sexual assault with murder. 2 Samuel 13 portrays Tamar’s rape by Amnon as wickedness and shame.

To teach that “submission” permits sexual coercion is to give license to abuse in God’s name. It transforms marital intimacy into “abuse with permission,” which is a grievous misrepresentation of the heart of God.

3. God’s True Character and Heart for His Children

When evaluating marriage and intimacy, the ultimate standard is God’s character.

God is love (1 John 4:8). Love never coerces; it invites, protects, and honors.
God is compassionate (Psalm 103:13), tender toward His children’s frailty.
God is faithful (Lamentations 3:22–23), never using His power to exploit.
God protects the vulnerable (Psalm 34:18), drawing near to the brokenhearted.
God’s justice means He hates violence and treachery in marriage (Malachi 2:14–16).

If marriage is meant to reflect Christ’s love for the Church, then intimacy must mirror His compassion, gentleness, and faithfulness—not domination or harm. Christ never forces Himself on His bride; He lays down His life for her.

4. How Christendom Has Perverted Sex in Marriage

Across history, traditional Christian teaching has often twisted marital intimacy into a duty for wives rather than a delight for both. Teachings on “wifely submission” have been used to silence women’s pain, excuse men’s selfishness, and sanction abuse under spiritual authority.

This perversion has taken several forms:

Duty without delight: Women told they must submit to sex regardless of emotional readiness or desire.
Headship as domination: Husbands told they are “God’s authority” over their wives, allowing coercion.
Silencing victims: Churches discouraging women from speaking out about abuse, urging them to “endure” for the sake of submission.
Shame and fear: Sexuality taught as sinful or dirty, except when demanded by a husband, creating confusion and trauma.

In each case, the heart of God revealed in Scripture has been ignored in favor of a rigid, patriarchal interpretation. The result has been what many women describe as “sanctified abuse”—abuse with permission granted by misused Bible verses.

5. A Christ-Centered Vision for Intimacy

To restore intimacy in marriage, we must return to the heart of God.

Mutual Respect: Ephesians 5:21 says, “Submit to one another in the fear of God.” Submission is not one-sided but mutual, born of reverence for Christ.
Honor and Understanding: 1 Peter 3:7 requires husbands to honor their wives and dwell with understanding.
Love as Christ Loved: Husbands are called to love sacrificially, not selfishly (Ephesians 5:25).
Joyful Intimacy: Proverbs 5:18–19 portrays marital love as rejoicing, delight, and enraptured affection—not obligation.

True marital intimacy reflects God’s character: free, joyful, safe, and honoring. Any teaching that justifies coercion or abuse cannot be of God, because it contradicts His love, justice, and compassion.

Conclusion

The perversion of sex in marriage within Christendom arises from a tragic misinterpretation of Scripture. By isolating verses, stripping them of context, and ignoring God’s character, the Church has too often allowed intimacy to become a realm of domination rather than delight. This distortion borders on “abuse with permission,” cloaked in religious authority.

But the Bible, rightly understood, offers a radically different vision. God’s heart for His children is love, respect, and honor. His Word condemns verbal, psychological, and sexual abuse. His Spirit calls husbands and wives to mutual care, joy, and faithfulness. Intimacy in marriage should mirror Christ’s love for the Church: sacrificial, tender, and life-giving.

Christendom must repent of its misuses of Scripture and return to the God whose character is love, whose heart is for the brokenhearted, and whose vision for marriage is not abuse, but blessing.